First, rampant apostrophe misuse. You end up with "it's" instead of "its", and "fathers" rather than "father's." (And on and on. Possessive nouns and plural nouns are two rather different things.) Punctuation errors (missing commas, and lots of them) abound, on top of some typos (were/where -- they aren't even homonyms, you know, so why do people keep confusing them?). Articles (the) seem to be missing in various places. (Notably, "back." "Place him in the
back" is correct; "place him in back" isn't.) Initially, these little errors aren't too bad, but due to frequency (i.e., every other sentence), they quickly become distracting.
“No dad I wasn’t! I was playing out back alone with my cars and Sparky was jumping on our fence…then he stopped, stopped moving.” Sparky was next doors little Yorkshire terrier and Harold hated the noisy mutt. I’ll skin that bloody thing one of these days!
"No, dad, I wasn't." Notice the placement of commas, yes? Oh, and "Sparky was next door's
little Yorkshire terrier,
and Harold hated..."
The italicized thought shouldn't even be on the same paragraph. It makes it seem as if it belongs to Adam rather than Harold. Granted, the "...Harold hated the noisy mutt" part clarifies it, but it's irritating, nevertheless. Remember, begin a new paragraph for every new speaker.
Overall: I can't comment on the plot much, since it seems to be far from finished. It's interesting, but seems to be, for the most part, a rather typical fare. (Mysterious voodoo/virus/alien thing out to contaminate and devour people. No offense, but it has a taste of "been there, done that, bought the souvenir, not impressed" rampant in B-movie horror flicks.) Some of the descriptions are nicely vivid, but otherwise very little -- dialogue, turn of phrase and such -- stand out (see above comment about typical fare).