Thanks for the comments guys!
Thanks for clearing up the apostrophe thing, as I knew this when I started but the placement of them was always sketchy at best in my mind. Most of them are my fault, and some are MS words fault! Any other typos etc. I just missed, even though I read it over about 10 times. Always best to have someone else read it. Like a professional editor or something, that's what they're for! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/silly.gif" alt="" />
Curious about this - "Place him in the back" is correct; "place him in back"
If it's speech, then is it still an error without 'the'. Are characters not allowed to speak in short sharp (grammatically incorrect) ways? If not why not?
"Remember, begin a new paragraph for every new speaker." Gotchya!
Thanks for your comments. Very helpful indeed. Particularly about Adam, I should have offered a description, or fed his description out over the course. I think I'll amend that first.
Kiya - "language in direct speech - hey, I really liked that, very natural."
Cheers, I tried to maintain that. Especially in that people don't all talk in grammatically correct ways - though WF might say/know that this is still not acceptable in writing - I don't see why it wouldn't be acceptable. (referring to the ("Place him in the back" is correct; "place him in back")
Flashback comments duely noted. I didn't go towards Adam himself thinking back to the event, I tried to just inform the reader as part of the narrative. But looking back I put in 'flashback' speech between the mom and dad, so that probably threw my intent off. So you certainly have a point.
@ Both - thanks for the reviews!