Kiya - "language in direct speech - hey, I really liked that, very natural."
Cheers, I tried to maintain that. Especially in that people don't all talk in grammatically correct ways
Correct <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/up.gif" alt="" /> - I envy people who are able to write in dialect/slang in a consistent manner - making interaction believable and alive. Why? Well, in my imagination, I "hear" them as well. And slang/dialect/grammar changes voices in my head. Your Adam had a totally different voice as Harold, added to his outer appearance, I developed emotions for that little chap at once, sympathy. Same for his father (sniff, he's probably dead) - his short intermezzo was already enough for me to build him up. I really like non-sterile chars with bumps, flaws and gruffiness. Your language choice transported this very well IMO.
You will continue writing this story? Oh, and how long is it going to be? More a short story or a large novel? This determines story pace. If you bring in a lot of firework at the start (for a long novel), you'll find yourself in trouble describing new events as this strange creature takes over - repeating takes out tension. In a short story, you can flash fireworks as it is condensed. I'd like to know if you give me the honour to read more,ok?
PS: I will treat Adam carefully, promise. I like that boy.