As someone who got her PhD in one the STEM subjects last year and is a postdoctoral researcher now, I can give you a few reasons why so few women decide to pursue a scientific career: [snip]
eek. I couldn't do that. Even if I could do that, I wouldn't. It's bad enough being a programmer and sysadmin, and when I describe that as toxic, it's mainly just down to idiot managers and take-overs. My sometimes errant career path sounds like bliss compared to life as a researcher.
Although IT has got much worse over the years, it's still a lot better than what you describe. I'm impressed with your fortitude.