I can never accept combat at the tactical/individual person level happening in turns as being a realistic simulation of anything.
Some games go for a realistic simulation of combat (e.g Kingdom Come), some don't (e.g BG3). Simulation is one way to go, but not necessarily the best, or at least, not the best for every type of game. If Larian is trying to simulate anything it is not the actual experience of physical combat, but the the experience of playing table top D&D.
Sure. I accept this. And I also need to clarify that I too don't want my cRPGs to be some real-life combat simulator (e.g. Mount and Blade, Kingdom Come: Deliverance). But at the same time, I also don't want cRPGs - and especially ones named Baldur's Gate - to be TT simulators.