I didn't get that from their personalities at all.
Lae'zel is pretty typical of most Gith, if not a little warmer in all actuality.
Shadowheart's disposition isn't surprising considering her history.

These are people stuck in a high-stress, life-threatening, extraordinary situation.
I highly doubt that any of the women in leadership that you've run across have a parasite threatening to end them in their brains, nor are they living in an unforgiving fantasy world.
You say that this is painting women in a bad light, and I say that expecting every girl that you come across to be a bright and bubbly cookie jar full of butterflies is far more detrimental to women.

Shift your perception. Maybe get some life experience. Move out of that small town.
These women are more realistic than most that I've seen in other games.

As an aside, there've been a lot of these posts, and this complaint tends to come from guys who are intimidated by the idea of a strong woman and are turned off at the prospect of romancing one that's not submissive and shy.
This is not that series and this is not that game.

I don't want to fall to bits 'cos of excess existential thought.