Yeah, I just can't play evil, not even for Astarion. I can play a little on the OC is self-interested side, but not outright evil. It sets my anxiety meter to max and I start having palpitations.
Once, while playing BG 2, I decided I wanted to see what would happen if you help Anomen get revenge for his sister's murder. Once it was done, and I saw FALLEN PALADIN listed as my new character class, I had a panic attack and could not exit without saving fast enough.
Play Tyranny and purge the weakness. Evil is the only way forward.
Or, well, Lawful Evil is the only way forward. Neutral and Chaotic are drab and ambitionless.