I gotta say, the hooey said by Kein and Sinogy really does highlight the need for those "repulsive" feminists.
As a straight male, it is of course fairly depressing to have to say this, but women do not exist just to make our gigglesticks hard. And they are under no obligation to conform to our particular personal preferences. Frankly, and pardon me for being blunt, but I can think of no reason whatsoever that any female out there should ever care in the slightest how Kein and Sinogy defines femininity.
Regarding Minthara, so far it appears that she was formerly of House Baenre in Menzoberranzan. She does not appear to be particularly young either. That means she probably spent a century or more at the very top of the power pyramid in one of the most fanatically right-wing hellholes one can imagine, a place where the strong can do literally anything they want with the weak, and where the weak are not merely left to live or die as they can, but are in fact entirely without rights, purely the playthings of whomever cares to play with them.
Yes, Drow society is somewhat hedonistic, but the idea that a Drow of Minthara's former station would actually care a whole lot what others think of her appearance strikes me as almost unthinkable. If a daughter of the First House of Menzoberranzan wants to use you, she will tell you and you will perform. Whether you find her beautiful is of less than zero relevance, but while she has an interest, you will act as if she is the goddess of beauty. Or else. And that "or else" is several paragraphs of extremely nasty.
This is the Drow society that Minthara was raised in, the society she was raised to be a major power player in. And you think she should be a sexy bitch that gives even the tiniest little whiff of a fart what you think of her appearance? No, I think you're getting that power dynamic entirely wrong. She might not be a priestess of Lolth in Menzo anymore, but the arrogance and egomania of decades or even centuries does not go away easily. She's not trying to charm you into letting her be your bitch, she's graciously and generously allowing you the honor of being hers.
